moments in time

i remember so much. so clear. So feeling like it was forever. That every moment was just apart of the series. There were parts that seemed to matter more. those parts that seemed to be what made up forever. the other parts, the ones that caused the pain always seemed to vanish as quickly as they began. The fire beneath the passion. what seemed to keep the spark alive is what killed. but they seem to be all that I can remember. That is exactly all that transpired between us that last year. and thats actually why I have no feelings. and so few memories.

its odd how one song at the right time, one smell that passes through the cold air can bring in so many memories-flooded. eyes that gazed so deeply in your soul. Why is it that most of the time I have forgotten. probably because there were so few times that they happened. I just dont think you ever felt as deeply about me as I did about you. Actually, I know this for sure.
All those years, not wasted but learned. Learned that one moment all you think is real- isn't. And that whats left of me now, is what was there before you. You never touched my soul deeply enough to change me forever. I am who I have always been, only she was hidden from you. At least you never touched me there. You never knew me. You only knew parts of me. Some of those parts more real than I am willing to admit. Selfishly I hid, knowing you would one day leave. But you knew me in otherways so well. In ways no one else ever will. You stole and raped my innocence. My trust. You bastard. I am who I am because of me. Not you. All you did was take advantage of me of the fact I wanted to be happy. Go fuck who ever you want, its not like she will ever give as much as I did.

Why is it that none of those moments even come out anymore. So long ago was that night when time stood still. that was really the last time time stood still in your arms. there were only a handful of nights that lasted forever. why is that? I tried to express how deep my emotions actually ran. I think that they never really existed now.