James and I had a what is shana looking for/wants and he asked me a few questions- and it seems all along I knew the answers. Because I had the right equation for me to function just the wrong letters that plugged in.

I honestly think I am one of very few people in the world, or my group that seems to want something that everyone else doesn't-or something we call the same but feel differently and perceive differently. As much as frank was an asshole in the end. The idea of sharing a path with someone was always as I looked at it.

Fate brought someone to walk with next to until our overall paths departed. This is something I understood about frank and I. Something I liked. I am not the type of person to want something that intertwines like I think everyone else I know is looking for. I dont understand that. I understand being 2 separate entities who are pursuing something different or the same and come together on the big issues- not on all the issues. Who live very separte lives but understand each other extremely well. Frank never understood my art-which really bothers me. I dont need someone to fully know what the hell I am attempting at doing-but I do need someone who can communicate in the same vocabulary. Ie:color,light movement- and how they casue or trigger reactions in people because these are the things I see and relate too. I am making my transition into becoming a professional artist- and someone who cant speak to me about my ideas, theories and concepts would be too difficult for me. And its not only just art- but also how I perceive my career- and my goals. And in general who I am and how I live my life.

I dont worry about finding it. I complain and bitch because I am looking for something temporary. Un-serious that I can understand. Something I can relate to. I dont relate to what everyone else seems to. It made sense to me last night while babbling. And I comprehend it now. I need something uncomplicated with a lot of freedom yet the ability to always be there.

The other big thing I realized is how much I love my friends. Like I told raven I'd follow them all to hell and back again. Including Andrew- who I was most reluctant to become friends with yet would back up in any situation.

I need to start working out again.

Ok I have to get dressed i have dance class. And I need sleep -_- zzzz