lazy

i am only lazy about posting because many of my thoughts these days i want to be possessive of.
i want them to be only mine. does this say something about how i want to never leave my brain these days. that so many words i want to say, i hold in, if only because i am selfish.

- the amazing sex j and i have been having this week. it has been so wonderful i am tempted every morning to call sick into work and lay around a fuck all day.

- the interview i have on friday and the idea of leaving a job i like for one that i know i will make more money doing but get less time off and work harder. which would probably bring me more satisfaction. but it is hard leaving when you know you like what you do and the people you work with.

- the upcoming pending date with this really pretty submissive girl- which if we get a long, i have already devised a plan for the first play session i want to have.. ahh forced feminization of a girl. how wonderful this shall be.

- the loss of a friendship that i am not quite sure how i lost. and this feeling of just well fuck off in return. which when ever you do lose a friend, you often wonder what caused this to happen, and you start to question your judgement on individuals you chose to have in your life. I do make a lot of augends easy, but i do not make close friends often. so when someone just stops talking to you, and you have no clarification why (and can't even think of a time you did anything to offend them) it is a bit confusing.

- the idea of leaving new york city and running away to some place in the middle of nowhere. If only they needed project managers in the middle of nowhere. i guess i have this desire to be selfish and be away from society and hide in nature somewhere and not have to talk to anyone.

- the book a friend of mine and me are planning on writing .we have our first working session on tuesday next week (book details to be disclosed at a later date but it is dealing with the subject matter of domination and submission)

---
so if i do get this job i am interviewing for, i have to cram a few trips out of town in during the next few weeks- like cali with my friend w, a trip to see my family, and maybe one last tropical island get-a-way and of course seattle and maine. maybe i will give notice and take 2 weeks vacation and spend it traveling the country. which actually sounds nice.

the idea of leaving a job about 4 months earlier than i anticipated causes some internal dilemma about the pre planned vacation to aruba (which is already paid for) and the fact we wanted to do 2 weeks off straight next september to drive to burning man. things do happen for a reason- so hopefully this will work out to my advantage. i am mostly worried about not having enough vacation days. hopefully we can negotiate on that.

--
i am waiting for a friend to get here, so my injured self can walk to meet at the corner and she and i can have a long over due dinner, and a drink. I haven't a clue what we are going to eat- there are a lot of choices around here. mostly i want a salad. a large salad and LOTS of veggies.
but if i keep smelling steak i am going to want it.

i wonder if this internalization of feelings and possessive thought process is due to the fact i have been dissconnected from my social groups for the last 2 months? i am sure it has something to do with it. the last week or so i have tried to spend time with people i miss, and start connecting again with my surroundings.