my own bubble

I live and exist in this small little bubble which is usually comprised of me going to work, coming home from work, cooking dinner, obsessively watching TNG on G4 and snuggling with my snuggle for life partner J. Once a week I drive to LI to see my folks. Some days I venture out, I get a drink, I go shopping, I get dinner with friends. I go to a bar once or twice a month, my pallet pleased more by endive with roasted beats and maytag blue than the cheap beer is used to enjoy.

I guess what I am saying is I am getting old. I still wear my docs, my baggy shorts my hair in 2 buns at the back of my head. But somewhere between Bushwick and Williamsburg I aged. I can't tell you the last show I saw or when (I think it was Killswitch Engage in 2004) I can't tell you the last time I chugged a beer in my jeans and band tshirt and pushed some asshole kid who decides the pit belongs by the bar. I can't remember the last girl I made out with. Ok, well I can, but it was clothed in fetish not jeans and raw youth at some bar which is closing or not hosting shows anymore.

J always said he moved home to NY because that is where home is to him. When i was 10 (5th grade?) my dad was living on W54th- and I made my first of many trips to NYC. I went home to ohio at the time with the firm decision I would live here and go to nyu. so I live here, and I have taken 1 class at NYU. But none the less I spent my highschool years hanging out at shows and my college years in galleries and my graduate school days living in brooklyn. This too, is my home. I didn't need to move all over the world to know that. I knew it when I had that slice of pizza on the street so many years ago. But the reasons why I felt this is home are leaving. And most of the reasons why J called this home are long gone, or are saying good bye.

I've watched stores I shopped at since I was 15 close, or move to their trendier new location, and the news that the continental will no longer host live shows was far sadder than the closing of CB's. If anything it has been heavily on my mind and reading someone I know's blog about this, at 4 am caused me to feel this need to reminisce, drink a shitty beer and get into a pit.

now my life is eating cookies drinking water and getting into a department "pit" which is some ridiculous thing to call a meeting around my place of work. i have gotten old, and sometimes my youth is nagging me to go out, drink and be an asshole. and i think today is the day to do it.