not sure who i know off the box who reads this anymore

but i am going to be somewhat uncensored me for a moment.

i am quite excited. after careful searching and many, many emails and even fewer dates I have a female attendant for what I hope to be awhile. I find the term slave not quite what I have in mind, so for now I will refer to her as attendant until, I have a better word.

She is a small girl, who is eager to learn and to please from the conversations we have had. Somewhat new, mostly leans toward the lesbian side of bisexual.

Our first training session is this evening. Well actually it is an all day event. Ahh the wonders of force feminizing a girl who is mostly a tom boy. this had brought me great delight. the small planning, making sure details are ready. Thinking of small points of humiliation, the finer things I have been holding my breath to do for ages. I have carefully chosen a tight black skirt and a lace up top is red chinese brocade. Items, I have not worn in years that still look new, in fact does wearing them once even count as unnew? I will be wearing my red mandarin latex dress. The black mandarin collar velvet dress I was originally planning for her seems to have gotten lost in the last move. My closets are cleaner, and I have one last place to look. But I feel the top I found should fit, may be even a bit lose, which might be fun to cause additional frustration. I think it should fit a measured 34b-36b type of chest, I am hoping it fits. I have decided on a red ribbon which will have a typical frog closure you see on many of the mandarin collared dressed, and with the two, she will be properly although softly attached to me.

I have a total of 3 activities which should build nicely into a lesson. I have only chosen my punishment as verbal this evening. But lasting as I can build usage of it in further public scenes.

Yes, it is hard to admit, but I am a bit nervous and excited. I drempt I got to the party and i got dressed in the bathroom only to realize i forgot all the items including my attendant. And had to sneak back into my mothers house fully clothed in latex (with my jeans and sweatshirt barely covering me) and remove all toys at 1 am.

If this works the ability to mold her into what I see fit for now. The feeling of the quiver of fear beneath my hand as I pet a head or an arm and getting to watch it vanish. The established trust. The ability to develop a longer lasting tie, to groom her for where ever she may go next. My top attitude has emerged in the last 48 hours outside of my head. And I clap in delight when speaking about tonight to J. I have been making statements not questions or pleases. I spent the day yesterday making sure he is at his level of happiness. Making sure he is content, loved and cared for on the levels I have built over the past few years.