Tuesday, December 03, 2002

i love when music takes you back to where what feels like ages ago.

cherished moments that no one knows. Watching all the newness of my life open. Now its open. And I crave more change.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

reading

Show love but do not go overboard and become committed to something you cannot handle. Make sure you are in control of your life, and your dreams.
Water sign

Card Four: what is holding querent back, outside influences
The Fool
Need to let go of unnessacary baggage, to have faith in myself and others. New beginings will come when I let go
Never let another person control your life. Live in the present and trust in your own abilities - this is the way of the Fool. Stop fearing the unknown

Card Five: querent's true potential for love
The Hanged Man
To admit that you are afraid will give you the strength to conquer your fear. When you relinquish your desire for control, everything begins to work as it should. In a world in which you must run as fast as you can to stay where you are, the Hanged Man tells you to stop struggling - and you can move forward. Tell this to others and it seems obvious; try to do it yourself and it will become impossible.
He is totally vulnerable to the world, and in his vulnerability he has found strength. The sacrifice he has made is his own freedom and power in the physical world; in exchange, he is granted real freedom and power on the spiritual plane. He gives up his old ways of looking at things and is blessed with new eyes.
To give without intent is worse than giving too much or too little. If your mind is yelling at you to do something, then doing nothing could be the best thing to do. If something is important to you emotionally but it no longer serves a purpose, you might want to think about letting go of it. And don't try to force anything to happen while the Hanged Man is about. By trying to force changes, you ensure that they never happen. Relax and let things happen instead of trying to interfere. Instead of fighting against the current, let it take you wherever it is flowing

Cards Six, Seven, and Eight all refer to the future.
Card Six: what to look for emotionally
Page of Pentecals Earth Sign
Messages about money, the perpetual student, discipline, responsibility, working towards a goal, the pursuit of perfection, knowledge as an adventure.
down-to-earth and ready to accept great responsibility is a rare event, and a Page of Pentacles in your midst is a rare and welcome sight. Though he may only be concerned with the immediate benefits of wealth, the Page still manages it far better than the majority of adults do. He can appear, like the other Pages, in one of three ways. He can be an event, a person in your life, or a part of your own personality.
young of body but old of mindwho uses common sense more than intuition and does things by the book rather than taking risks. Despite this, however, he is always open to new ideas and isn't as rigidly dogmatic as the rest of the Pentacles court cards. He sees the opportunities that are inherent in every situation and he finds the best ways to exploit them based on the resources at his disposal. The Page of Pentacles takes great pleasure in the world, and he will try to preserve its beauty just as he will preserve the old ways of thinking and doing things.



Card Seven: what to look for physically
The Lovers


Card Eight: outcome, answer
Ten of Swords
Rebirth- the time to rise has come again.
so a past misdeed may indeed be the source of future trouble. Sometimes you will be able to change this outcome, but most of the time you will simply have to bear down and take the hit. The positive side is that the Ten of Swords is the final ordeal, and no more pain will come to you from that source. It is darkest before the dawn, and as gloomy as it looks, the sun will rise again.
The Ten of Swords is a sign that what you have gone through was not without purpose. The great positive power within you can be used to learn from your pain and draw wisdom from defeat. This is the Swords ideal.

Card Nine: soulmate card - interpret carefully (this card is optional)
The Magecian
The number 1 represents a situation about to begin - or in it's early stages.

Time: Ten of wands
Outcome: Justice

Empty vessel under the sun wipe the dust
from my face another morning black sunday
coming down again empty vessel empty veins
empty bottle wish for rain that pain again
wash the blood off my face the pulse from
my brain and i feel that pain again

im looking over my shoulder cos millions
will whisper im killing myself again maybe
im dying faster but nothing ever last i
remember a night from my past when i was
stabbed in the back and its all coming
back and i feel that pain again

i abhor you i condemn you cos this pain
will never end you got away without a
scratch and now youre walking on a lucky
path i have to laugh but youd better watch
your back

theres pathetic opposition they're the
cause of my condition ill be coming back
for them ive a solution for this sad
situation nothing left but to kill myself
again because im so empty

about

1 MINUTE AGO: was arguing with my mom about my messy room
1 DAY AGO: I was in belly dancing class
1 WEEK AGO: I was cleaning up my house from my parents being away
1 YEAR AGO: today I felt the ties of karma breaking
I HURT: my ankle
I LOVE: not much
I HATE: want a list
I FEAR: grey area
I HOPE: that all this will end
I FEEL: empty
I BREAK: everything i touch
I LISTEN: to the voices in my head
I HIDE: from others
I DRIVE: a car
I PLAY: often
I BREATHE: air
I MISS: myself
I LEARNED: nothing
I KNOW: a lot of nothing
I SAY: things to hide how i really want to feel
I DREAM: all too often
I WANT: things that will never want me
I FELL: years ago. and in oct on rob's deck
I WAIT: for nothing
I NEED: to trade in my body for one that works
I THINK: too much
Current Clothes: pajama pants mismatched socks and a long sleeve tshirt
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: nothing
Current Taste: choclate
Current Hair: messy and unbrushed in a pony tail
Current Annoyance: not being able to say what i feel or act like an adult
Current Smell: nothing
Current thing I ought to be doing: working on school work and cleaning my room
Current Desktop Picture: kaoru and yahiko from ruronikenshin
Current Favorite bands: KSE
Current Book: Dragon Fly in Amber
Current DVD In Player: brotherhood of the wolf
Current Refreshment: H2O
Current Worry: fucking up grad school and never feeling better
Current Crush: better left unsaid
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
Kill: I would rather torture
Slap: fuck face
Look Like: me last May when i was 108 pounds
Be Like: no one
Talk To Offline: i talk to all my friends offline

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