the sun is out! I thought it was going to rain all weekend.

I am quite sleepy, but well fucked and sore enough that i have a constant reminder yet not fucked enough that i can not walk.
i hope to acomplish that my evening.

we are going to park slope today to look for my graduation present and then to home depot to lookg for blinds (not blondes) for the bathroom window and for little plants to put outside the window si I dont have to look directly at the trash these people leave all over the place

yesterday, justin i spent much of the day working on my countertop. We learned how to cut and apply formica. And we also became aware that I am an idiot. and i just have no fabrication skills.

ohh its the hooka smoking catipillar in AiWL on the tv. AEIOUUUUUUUU. I would like to add I think he is smoking hashish. (although shisha is nice to smoke but it doesnt make you say silly things or be confused.) I need to go hooka smoking!!

so why am i babbling about nothing. maybe it is because i am avoiding babbling about something.

Thank you for all those who remembered my birthday last sunday and made me feel special. You have no idea how much it ment to me. :)

birthdays

tw-if you live in the city i'll be celebrating tonight with friends and birthday sharing with sugarmilk (and another lady too) at the Red Hits Burlesque show - Rififi's starting around 9:30!(well the show starts at 10 but i will be there to have a drink around 930)

in less than an hour i turn 26.

i am not sure how i feel about this.

it isnt nestolgia
it isnt regret
it isnt ____

maybe it is just a mark of time that bothers me like justin said.

but i dont think so.
i dont have this feeling of "oh look another year has passed and i have done nothing."

my past year of my life has been filled with fun, making new friends, excitement, change, mostly good.

we moved from bushwick to williamsburg
ive lost 38 pounds
we bought a beautiful new couch and a new mattress
i started dancing again- although in frequent it makes me happy
my art work has developed
in 2 weeks I will graduate with my MFA
ive met some really wonderful new people
i've sexually accepted myself
we've had rough times and amazing times and i am still in love

it just feels like some kind of disappointment
like chistmas or easter feels

maybe i expect to feel like a child again. there's a photograph of me on my second birthday and my family filled the WHOLE living room with balloons and presents.

I think that i am looking for that- feeling of newness, surprise, excitement and after awhile- birthdays just feel like another day.

i had burger king for lunch. only becasue people keep talking about those tv comercials and now much they hate them

I, ADORE the new BK marketing. It gets stuck in my head and the comercials make me laugh

damn i am tan

i am almost 26... only a few days left until i am on the uphill climb to 30

over due

a long over due properly written journal entry

anyone up for pedicures this weekend?


so to explain a bit of my perivious posts this week:

Why am i being sued? I am a hard working, on time paying (except cable) broke american..
I missed a dr appointment. I didnt know i had an appointment. I showed up for when i though tmy appointment was and no one was there. no one called me, i had never missed an appointment before. you would think someone would call since i never vanished before, especially since it was a therapists office. What if i offed myself or something? they never followed up about a patient they had for 2 years. i called after a half hour waiting outside a locked office and they said: you missed the appointment blahh blahh blahh you owe us this amount. they never offered a payment plan, a rescheduled appointment. nothing. talk about pissing me off! so i ignored it. i never got anything in the mail. if i did it was thrown out with other garbage. Good Friday happens and my mom gets certified letter to me at her house. so she calls me. I get excited thinking its about a residency or something to find out i am being sued for 550.00 $ for missed appointment, late fees, interests and court charges.

you could imagine my dismay...anger and crying

so i wrote a letter w/ a check fore 125 bucks to the dr. addressed it to him sent it ceritifed to HIS office not his billing staffs PO box. imagine his suprise since when the staff called me yesterday and explained to me he doesnt know about his billing process, about the court case, about how they never called when i never reponded to the said 4 letters they sent. how they never tured it to collections before starting a lawsuit.
so its all taken care of except for 45 bucks i need to pay this week.


so this sick stomach puking problem. I titrated my does of metaformin up from 750 to 1500 on tuesday in hopes to clear up the acne, small feet fuzz that started to return along with the mood swings that i hadnt had since before i started the medication.

the last time i did this, i puked for 2 weeks. 6-8 hours every night after i took the pill. so i went back to 750 mg and then this week decided i needed more (love self medication) Mommy, RN suggested i space out the pill taking rather than take all 1500 at once. So I did, but Day 1 was awful I spent all day in the bathroom at work. I felt fine but i couldnt hold anything in. Day 2 no puke, ate food ok alittle queasy mid afternoon. Today is Day 3: I got on scale. Water weight (plus excess food weight) leaving. Bloating status ok. Lost: 3 pounds. So I am back to 141. I know i am at this plateau. it sucks. I have been bouncing between 140-145 since Janurary. I know because this pill will do its job controlling hormone levels i will start to lose weight. lets hope it doesnt keep making me sick.

4 days until my spring Flordia vacation! I am tan (justin said i am starting to look like an italian. ) i have bever been tan. And i am probably not that tan but for me I look healthy. Alittle pink to my checks a goldish red glowing skin. I dont want to be dark. I just wanted to not look as sickly as i was.


last night i got home played bathing suit dress up and then climbed onto the couch with a blankie and started to watch tv.

it was the first time since, i dont know when, last Sat? that I sat still, didnt have to do anything, didn't have to say anything intelligent and didnt have to be "on"

it was amazing.

justin and i curled up in bed, dispute his desire to play touchy feely he was empathetic to my just happy to be cuddled mood. although he did have my interest piqued but i was so tired.

i also waxed my legs last night :) it was the first time i removed leg hair since BEFORE december. my leg skin feels forging and i had trouble falling asleep i had to place a layer of blanket between my legs.