ahh so its monday. my eyes felt like they were still pissed off at me over the contact rejection inncedent last night. I could barly open them this morning. I didnt even have a drink last evening - usually i have a beer after but i had nothing.

I am not sure how my perfromance went. I didnt feel prepared what-so-ever and when i was dancing i heard laughter comming from the back during a non laughing scene (which justin confirmed about) and specificlly the 2 laughing inncedents were when I was low with much of my ass exposed. I am hoping it wasnt me they were laughing at or my ass becasue I think I have a fantastic looking ass. I also hope I didnt show any emtotion on my face as response to the situation. fortuneatley my back was to the audeince the first time I heard it.
but i am proud of my costume! I love making detailed bras and such! I think I might do this on an obessive level..


I had a great time none the less. I really liked Jo Boobs! (to the point where I may someday rival Miss Lux's obession for Dirty Martini) and was happy to dance with such talented ladies.

and also too see some friends I dont get to see often (Dro, Val, Arien, and Raven) Val even missed the Oscars to see my boobs ;)

Anway back to work.

I shoulda never ate a spicy redneck from crifs after dancing last night my tummy is REALLY pissed off

ugh

so i over heard my manager taklking to a co worker that someones hours may be changing. Which actually means me or michol. since they are going to need someone else working later. This is all just assumption. they suckier part of me working later say 9-5 means I would still have to leave my house before 7 and kill an hour before work becasue if i leave after 7 i wont get to work until after 9 30 and leaving work at 5 means I wont get home till after 6 30 (UGH) which would be awful right now I am out of the house 10 and a half hours a day and that would change it to over 12.

YUCK!

i hope it isnt me who has to do this

I went tanning last night- I also went and got a briziallian.

I dont think i like being compeltely hairless. It just isnt for me.

And my skin wasnt red or anything and poof about 30 min ago I started to turn pink! I am kinda excited about the taning thing! I might actually get color this year ( i just want to look a little healthier)

-breathe-

its only a job. sometimes, it just feels awful. and today being here, is one of those days, again.

i know i find meaning in everything else i do but after driving an hour only to feel worthless it isnt the most enjoyable feeling.

decisions during crunch time

I am worried that the "content filed piece" I have been working on isnt up to snuff. I cant find a certian prop and i am worried that ebay will not get it to me on time. And i would rather not half ass something.


it isnt my fault I am falling in love with this dark selection of music in which I want to make this tragic performance to. I guess my moods been dark lately, its 6 nights till I dance. nothing is done and I am still hacking up my lung. And stompig around the house feeling dark and cranky- its no wonder why this music is what I am listening to.

its beautiful. and it would be nice to strip to something dramatic and angry. but can I pull it off? can sarcastic humorous me pull this one off...

i felt great until I sat up and started coughing like an elephant. So I should probably stay home today. I dont want to get any sicker, and usually i always force myself to go do things before i am actually better and i get even more sick, plus i have plently of art stuff todo and a paper to work on - that way I have things to keep me busy between naps.

i must have broke a fever in the middle of the night. usually i sleep naked with half my body sticking out from under the blanket. Instead I was shivering and pressed up against J for most of the night and my whole body ached. Much the night when I was both asleep and awake i thought about calling off from work but i have a feeling that this is just the begining of the sickness and i should drag myself there in hopes that I feel better tomorrow and that I dont need to use any sick days.

But all I really want to do is snuggle up in bed and sleep the day away.

was told today "you are not going anywhere." it was stated very stern after i woke up from a nap had a coughing fit and said "I want to go shopping" and i spent yesterday having asthma attacks crying hysterically and sleeping.

Tell tale sings I am getting a cold. or more acruratelly some sort of lung related sickness.
hopefully with all this sleep i wont be sick all week and I will feel better tomorrow so I can make some romantic dinner and have good snuggle sex.

on top of resting i had promised the ladies I work with that I would be bringing in some tastey baked goods. So I made homemade brownies from scrath and mixed in strawberry jam and sprinled them with freshly ground cinnamin and nutmeg. I also made a small batch of plain chocolate with nutmeg on top- but they came out a little too cake like for my taste so i might frost them and let justin have his way with the pan since he adores baked good

i think i am going to go back to sleep

overwhemling feeling of nothing

i ate a buttered bagel this morning and drank half a soy caramel macchito

and i realized, sometimes, when I am upset I eat to comfort myself.

shana doing math

awake at 4 am+ shana= tired
tired+driving an hour= egg-sausage (exhausted)
driving an hour+no traffic=early to work
early to work=starbucks

strabucks-$4.64=caffeine
caffeine=awake

overwhemling feeling of nothing

i ate a buttered bagel this morning and drank half a soy caramel macchito

and i realized, sometimes, when I am upset I eat to comfort myself.