Saturday, December 25, 2004

ahhh my daily up too early update

it sounds like a sick ward in our apartment. i dont think justin has slept at all tonight he's been ooughing since about 7 pm and he wont take the cough syurp with codine in it that i have left over from the last time i had bronchitis. my cold has migrated to a really runny nose and a cough. I can sorta swallow again- but compare to yesterday and last night i feel great.

i will probably drive out to my parents for dinner today. I will leave justin at home becasue he still has a fever. even on meds he's still over 100. I dont want to leave at all. mostly i just want to lay around in bed and sleep. but later this morning I will pack up the car with my parents gifts and take a trip out. I dont even know if i will stay long. I feel pretty crappy still. And I honestly dont want to pass this cold to anyone else.

We didnt even make dinner last night. I ran to the store in the afternoon to buy pasta and sauce bceasue this was my first christmas not with my family and this sick. But I didnt have the energy to make it- so I microwaved a hot pocket and went to sleep soon after. This was also the first christmas my parents put up a tree in 3 or 4 years - and I want there to celebrate with them. I am sure my mom was upset but she was all mom like and told me to drink tea and stay warm and not to worry about it.

If I make the trip out to my familys i will pick up some food from them and bring it home- that way we can have christmas tomorrow when I hope justins cough is better. and i am not so stuffy.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

2 weeks today

it has been 2 weeks this morning that I had surgery.
I am feeling pretty good. I go back to work tomorrow. I still have some soreness but it is definfitly more than manageable. What sucks is this morning I woke up with a stuffy head. BOO

I guess I am handling everything going on very well. Mostly becasue I am ignoring it. I wont start to deal with the actual problems until next months appoitment when we sit down to talk about everything. At my post op, my doc just wanted to make sure I was healing and kinda said hey its the holidays dont think about it now and enjoy. So I am taking his advise.

I have been spotting for 2 weeks. What sucks is that due to the lovely female body when nervous or stresed we start our periods. So I started my period right before I had surgery. then I continued to spot for almost 2 weeks. It finially ended on Sat and POOF its the actual period week. (The cramps are AWFUL! becasue I think I am still a little swollen) So viva 3 week period. I can finially have sex, normal goold ol fashion sex and I wont becasue I feel like shit. I havent held out tho, Justin and I went toy shopping on Sat at TIB and I got a new little nifty thing that I have been using twice daily.... So much for holding out...

Today i am going to B&H video to get my christmad gift from justin.
nikon 5200

this means a whole bunch of pics will go up on my SG page along with getting some good new shots of myself, and getting some more slide work done since I have applications for residencies due soon. And I am also considering applying for spring 06 at hunter for an MA in art history. Which gives me about 6 months to get my french to a reading level. I can muddle through some stuff, but not enough to get where I need to be. Although, I think I would do better working toward an MA at columbia, I cant handle the tution or the loans or the added pressure of being at columbia. If I went to columbia, I would do the MA in Modern Art: Curatorial Studies Track / The Whitney Museum of American Art. It is a little more intense, and I also would not be able to work during it. Which , is kinda important since living in NY costs so damn much. I dont know I have a lot of time to think about all this, I just know when I gradutate from my MFA, I will want to be back in school becasue I dont know what to do with myself. I guess also, the problems stems from being torn between my love for art history and theory and my love for making art. Can they co-exisit for me, both in a professional and personal way? And what would I focus on if I did Art histry. My undergrad work was mainly japanese art histry and although i have a "knack" for it, I think that I dont want to work in it for the rest of my life. I think I would perfer working with live artists. Yet, I have started work on a pre-columbian west mexian subejct that I actually think I would be really good at. But in the long term the field work would probably be too hot for me. The equator in July! What am I thinking. and I have a passion for fertility figures- which would open up for me to current themes. at least in my own personal insterests. I just think hunter is a better option because I can afford it and attend at night but I know columbia has always been a dream for me (why didnt i go when they were sending me recruiting shit. I am such a fucking IDIOT) Columbia would set me up for getting a really good job, making connactions, and I could probablty focus on what I want better. But hunter is more affordable and since this is a personal endevor not really for a career, its more about me taking classes and loving what I do- Well I have till next fall to figure it out. I should really take a french class or 2 in the mean time- when I am done with my MFA that is..

Art is the only thing I know and love to the point of it is my very soul. I dont really think about much else.. art justin food sex. I just need to combine them all ( i am sure I have at some point) and i will have perfection.

I have been at home too long.. I really need to go back to work. Reality has faded for me. I lay around reading books and theory and think about all the things I want to do, and trying to sceme my way into at least developing a plan to see what happens. The last time I did this, I ended up getting in grad school and getting a full time job in the same week.

So the plan is as follows. Shoot slides, fill out application for skowhegan and hope for the best. Work my ass off from my MFA thesis execution and paint constantly. And graduate. After that: get new job.

So theres the next 6 months or so...
and theres always my obession with foresnsic science..

Friday, December 17, 2004

and the holiday frustration begins

i am a little short on cash this year (not quite sure on how I am going to make it with out a full 2nd check in december) and mounting bills all of which will be paid after january 15

but to cut to the chase.

i think we are going to get my dad a bottle of whiskey and good glasses. My mother stated he wanted nice glasses or drinking burboun. at least my dad is easy..

my mom is another problem alltoegther, she knows the financial situation better than anyone (mainly becasue she hears me vent the most) and she said not to get her anything. That out of all things I have ever given her she loves when i make her cards. So I guess, I will have to get to work making her a card. I was consdiering doing a water color, but i havent painted in water color in so many years that I am sure I cant sit down and paint traditional flowers or something as quickly as i used to.. And I dont think she wants an overy covered in glue painting. And something tells me she would like to have a 4 foot vaginia in her living room.

Actually speaking, there's an object I did a few years back that my father has always wanted. Maybe I will give him that. Its in my studio I can pick it up next week. But that still leaves my mother. I have to run to TIB to pick up a few gifts for friends- maybe I'll get her a vibrator! Here mom, last year I gave you a gift certificate to get your belly button pierces, this year I give you the magic of an orgasm with less hand cramping!

And what to get the old people in my life, more kindly known as the grandparents who yell at each other and hate everyone. ughhh... the frustartion...

woohoo I got my post op appointment changed to Monday at 9 45!! Which means less stress for me :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I NEED DISTARCTIONS

not that anyone reads my infrequent entries but if you do I am having a lot of trouble distracting myself from my thesis. I have been working a whole hour with out any fun or web surfing.

this is probably the easiest paper I will EVER right. its 8-12 pages about the histroy of my work and how it has evolved into my current work, and my thesis work proposal. I am just about to start page 5, and I am finially up to the start of the current body of work. It needs to be signed by all 3 advisors and in the department office on thursday, the best part is : I ONLY HAVE 2 ADVISORS I havent chosen a 3rd!! And I wont see either until the art department party on Thursday night. HAHAHAHAH in which i will hand to my drunk graduate chair the unsigned thesis that hasnt been read by anyone but myself!

So if you are around on line, and can aid me in my distraction please, for the life of god, post me a link or give me something to read so I can fuck around instead of actually being productive.



Tue, Dec. 14th, 2004 01:17 pm

projected budget for thesis work: $1580.
and sometimes i sit around and wonder why the fuck i never have any money.
this could be why.



Tue, Dec. 14th, 2004 05:59 pm

justin is the sweetest boy ever.

he helped clean the moldy stuff in the fridge.
he also washed the dishes that grew icky stuff on it.


he bought me gyoza dipping sauce home today!!!! which i can not find at the asian places near us!!

Sunday, December 05, 2004

i cant drink like i used to.

my pussy thinks i am going to get fucked but my stomach dissagrees